Happy Go-Unlucky

I need a vacation from monotony. I can’t afford my own thoughts. Today was a day of defeat and rain doesn’t help. As I was sitting at Coffee Bean-red velvet mocha in hand, I looked around at the vast array of people I sat next to. There were two men, one blond-navy blazer well dressed and one brown haired coughing obsessively having a business meeting by the looks of their notepads and back and forth Q & A. Obviously they were both from some big company. There were two youngish-old women, both with strollers and babies who looked like they went home and asked their husbands for children politely on the same night—and like magic popped them out nine later. And then there was a group of college adults laughing away. I tried to decide where I’d be if I had the choice. What part about admiring each set of these groups of people at each point in their lives had I taken a liking to?

Well, I could admire the businessmen for what I don’t have. A happy job… Go-lucky characters seemed to thrive at the mere discussion of their Holiday Gala, “planning-away” they go… fake laughter-all-the-while. Figuring out how to fire Johnny or James, or if they like Beatrice--- the new ditsy red-haired receptionist, ah the fun. While I struggle with appetite, headaches, and every day some new ailment. I pushed forward to do something I truly loved…

Or, I could if I tried harder—admire the in-between-beautifully freckled women rocking their roller coasters while not having a care in this universe because one of their husbands is a ball player and the other a wealthy headhunter. The one child cried. A baby girl, giggling bows wrapped around her baldhead. Ah, the joys of parenting… rain poured and it didn’t bother anyone a bit. I would have kept those little children in the living room- warm and toasty and been miserable forcing myself still-- for my child’s sake in my rainy day over-protectiveness. Funny how we create these scenes in our heads.

Or really I might place myself in the body of one of the college gals and guys all meeting up for a “study group” where nothing actually got done. I’d probably be one of those well-prepared nerds that studied before the group was actually held because I knew I’d do nothing but joke around and enjoy the company of my ever-irresponsible counterparts. They’d all wonder why I’d pass when they’d fail.

And then I sat back. I had such a bad day today: I scratched the left side of my car when I shouldn’t have bothered driving, once again. I forgot the teapot on and had a minor kitchen fire—the teapot bottom beamed vivid blue around the edges and looked as if it had rusted. And then I got one of the worst phone calls of my natural life. And go figure, isn’t it funny how bad news comes in threes? I search for a miracle. I wonder about strangers. I wish I were anywhere than where I am, I wish I were the old divorced businessmen, or the pair of single mothers, or the lonely college students that I watched this afternoon… anyone but me. Anywhere but here. Oh that and, I really liked that teapot.