Today I went for a walk around the lake with my aunt. We talked about life and God. We celebrated the news of my First International tour, and my cousin's impending baby. I admitted to her that when good things start happening to me I get nervous. Nervous as if some boogieman is liable to pounce on me at any time and take away my good thing, and I will be returned to the sadness I’m more familiar with. When I accomplish goals I have hidden feelings of anxiety and unworthiness, in spite of being the vessel of an amazing gift. I am Jasmine Melodiousfly and I travel the world doing what I do best. Singing. My aunt quickly reaffirmed my self-esteem with a hug, and reminded me to embrace the goodness, don't fear it. Get to the root of your feelings of inadequacy and nip it in the butt. Well this is the root, and starts back there in my memories.
From the earliest time in my life, I felt different from other people. I also remember feeling the pressures of society to conform. I knew at a young age I wasn’t having it. I've always been a mystical person, meaning I see more then what the eyes see. This has propelled me in many directions on my life's journey, and has made me the black sheep of my family. I come from a very traditional middle class American Family. I grew up in the suburbs of Colorado with married parents who worked good day jobs. My family always stressed the importance of school and getting an education. Which is good, except for the fact I hated school. A serious hatred, brewing since second grade!! When Ms. Marshall punished me for being me, and suggested Ritalin to my parents. I would hide in the closet most school days until my frustrated father gave up and left me for work. There are many reasons for my disdain of school, but that’s another blog. To keep it simple, school isn’t for everyone, but knowledge is, and I feel that’s not being taught. When I graduated high school and left Colorado for California, my family was not surprised to know that I had quit college, but they thought I was insane for pursuing my real dream, music. Not for A+ markings, or paper validations, not for money but for love. The growing success of my music is slowly quieting all the non-believers, and my family is now my biggest support, but that came after a fight. Maybe some sections of society will look down on my choice to boot school and develop myself individually. I always tell myself to make choices that make me happy, and happy I am. So why do I still feel bad about that? So what!! I took an alternative path. Billions of people live on Earth, with billions of different talents and possibilities. I found what works for me, and I'm working on embracing me 100%! Jasmine, singer, world traveler, college dropout, eccentric entrepreneur, and sensitive soul. How could I ever feel inadequate? Maybe because I've totally shunned society's and my family's expectations of me. Sometimes I feel small and alone for this, but I always feel free. I guess I feel guilty for not forcing my self to do it, and witnessing all my friends suffer along. They have degrees and they’re broke, and full of debt, LOL!! Mean while I’ve been having a serious blast!! Doing what I love, minus the need to be validated by others. Never missing a beat.
Check Out My Latest Music Video!! 18K Views
http://www.vimeo.com/13591696
MelodiousFly
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Ralph Waldo Emerson
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